IELTS Writing task 1: Bài mẫu band 9 với nhận xét của examiner

Tài liệu nóng phỏng tay luôn nè, vừa bài mẫu band 9 chuẩn mực cho những đề writing task 1 khó nhằn, vừa có nhận xét và chấm điểm của examiner, giúp các bạn có tư liệu tham khảo cách hành văn và miêu tả đồng thời biết được cái nào ăn điểm cao trong task 1 và tại sao bài mẫu lại được band 9.

Tham khảo bài mẫu luôn là một cách học rất thông minh, có thể học hỏi các cụm từ cực hay và những cấu trúc câu khác nhau, cách sắp xếp ý và phân tích biểu đồ.

Đọc và tham khảo nhé các bạn, chúc các bạn học tốt !!!

Bài mẫu band 9 cho IELTS Writing Task 1

Model 1: Writing Task

You should spend about 20 minutes on this Task.

The first graph below shows the weight (in tonnes) of fruit produced by a farm during each month in 2013, and also the amount (in tonnes) of fertiliser used. The second graph shows the volume of rainfall in each month (in millimetres.)

Write a report summarising the information. Select and describe the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Write at least 150 words.

Model 1: Essay

The charts give information regarding the tonnage of fruit produced in a farm per month in 2013, the fertiliser used and the monthly rainfall in that year.

We can see that fruit production rose steadily from just over 2 tonnes in January to a peak of roughly 4.2 tonnes by August. The output then fell rapidly, declining to around the initial 2-tonne mark in December. However, looking at fertiliser use, we see that this seasonal pattern is largely reversed: the most fertiliser (just under 1 tonne) was utilised in April, followed by a marked decline to zero in June and July. Fertiliser consumption then increased slightly in the autumn, rising to a total of around 0.7 tonnes before dipping to just below 0.5 tonnes at year end.

Regarding rainfall, this appears to reflect the use of fertiliser, with an early high of 16mm in February, falling consistently to 4mm in July, August and September. Rainfall then increased steadily to reach 14mm in December.

In summary, this farm generally employed the most fertiliser at seasons of high rainfall, and by contrast, it produced the most fruit when both rainfall and fertiliser use were around their lowest.

(196 words)

Model 1: Examiner’s Comments

This essay would receive Band 9 in IELTS. The candidate gives a brief paraphrase of the Task introduction, and then deals with each chart in turn. He correctly identifies the trend in chart 1 (fruit increases as fertiliser decreases) and uses a small selection of figures to describe this, making it clear that he sees the trend (“this seasonal pattern is largely reversed. . .”) He makes it clear that he understands this is a ‘movement’ type Task by using the past simple to describe the changes, but he does not simply ‘list’ the sequence of figures in order.

He identifies the second trend (fertiliser use follows rainfall levels) and selects key figures to demonstrate this. The summary reinforces the trend among the 3 elements (fruit, fertiliser and  rainfall.) He correctly makes no attempt to explain or give reasons for the trends.

Paragraphs are organised to follow the charts. The language used is clear and neutral, with no emotion or personal tone. The simple past is rightly used because the year is shown (2013.) He makes it clear which charts he is discussing (“We can see . . . looking at  . . . regarding”) and uses a variety of vocabulary to describe movements (decline/rise/dip/fall etc.) He uses marked/slightly/steadily/rapidly etc to show that he understands the rate of the changes. He uses phrases such as reversed and by contrast to emphasise the comparison of the patterns. The impression is of a candidate who has analysed the trends and selected key data to show that he understands them, without excessive detail.

 

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